FETISHWEEK – What is the Domme Deficit?

What is the Domme Deficit?

Have you heard of the Domme Deficit?  The Domme Deficit is the discussion of how many straight male submissives versus straight female dominants are in the BDSM community.  Bitchy Jones, in the article “Why 95% of Dominant Women Agree With Everything I Say” picked the number of one female dominant to twenty male submissives. No one really knows the exact number, there are so many factors to take into account and most people don’t talk about such things in polite company.

One recent article, “Why I Don’t Believe in The Domme Deficit” by Noah Brand, suggests that those numbers are highly exaggerated.  The piece brings up a number of great points about male versus female fantasy.  He concludes that there are a lot more dominant women out there but they don’t buy into the male images of FemDom.

While that may account for some of the deficit, it certainly doesn’t refute the fact that there is an extraordinary disparity in the community.  I’ve been in the BDSM community for nearly a couple of decades and I’ve been both active online and in events around the world.  Not only is there a Domme Deficit but there are a lot more men versus women in the community in general.  In fact, the Domme Deficit may be even deeper than 1 in 20.  Frankly, if you’re a male submissive, you have a steep hill to climb to find a play partner, much less find a relationship.

If you want some evidence of the Domme Deficit look no further than the proliferation of professional dominatrix who can easily charge $300 an hour.  That’s a textbook example of economic supply and demand!

Whatever the reason, denying the Domme Deficit doesn’t make it go away.  I think the BDSM community needs to first address why there are not more women who are active either online or in public.  Whether you like Fifty Shades of Grey or not, it has introduced a generation of women to kink and that’s certainly a good start.

However, Fifty Shades is about a female submissive, and that plays to traditional gender roles.  The Domme Deficit hints at a deeper societal issue.  To bridge the gap between straight male submissives and straight female dominants, we have to find a way to engage women in that dynamic.  Brand suggests an evolution of FemDom kink imagery.  I suggest reaching out to those who are curious, continuing to provide information about real BDSM relationships and looking for female dominants who are willing to be role models.

Ladies, if you’ve ever had a discussion over leaving the toilet lid up, imagine a world where you not only win that fight but can punish him the next time he does it!  (See?  I’m already winning hearts and minds!)

What are your ideas about ending the Domme Deficit?  I’d like to hear them in the comments below or you can email me directly at: dirk@dirkhooper.com

Dream hard,
–  Dirk Hooper
June 24th, 2012


Fetish Fab Five

  1. Introduction to Rope Bondage | Madison Kink 
  2. 10 Tips for Alternative Models Online Contact with Photographers
  3. The Christian Backlash Against “50 Shades Of Grey”
  4. A Safe Call Could Save Your Life | Submissive Guide
  5. Ask a sexologist: Why do we love ‘Fifty Shades’? – KLG and Hoda


Dirk Hooper Photography and The Fetish Show Updates

Survey: A Vanilla View of Fifty Shades of Grey by Apple Angel | The Fetish Show

News: Biting the Apple 2012: Glam! by Jay for The Fetish Show News | The Fetish Show


FETISHWEEK Featured Site

Kink~E Magazine – Explore Your Inner Jungle – Where the KinkE People Roam 


Bondage-Loving Swedish Mom Admits Building Sex Chamber In Abandoned Military Bunker http://huff.to/MPtlqT

Facebook censors magazine cover showing Merkel as dominatrix – UK news – Blottr http://bit.ly/MEzgLg

Leading Fetish Company Responds to “50 Shades Fever,” Advising Clients on Safe Fantasy Fulfillment http://on.mktw.net/LhjCV2

The BDSM Economic Stimulus Plan http://bit.ly/MPtTx0

‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ spurs sales of sex accessories, bondage material – http://bit.ly/JQgKPE

Roping women in: How hit erotic novel Fifty Shades Of Grey has sparked boom for hardware stores | Mail Online http://bit.ly/KM6k98

How ‘Fifty Shades’ Is Changing the Face of Publishing – Entertainment – The Atlantic Wire http://bit.ly/KzeTFf

Just launched: Porn Star Life Coach | violet blue ® :: open source sex http://bit.ly/KzgZFa



Miss Jasmine from the Hogspy article below.

Innovate or Get Spanked: Lessons from ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ – Forbes http://onforb.es/KC3nrI

How ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Is Shaking Up the Business of the Romance Genre – The Daily Beast http://bit.ly/LATFCd

What is one Christian’s view on the ’50 Shades’ Trilogy and BDSM? http://bit.ly/LAVJdr Read the comments too.

Talk Nerdy To Me Lover…And Worship My Feet: How Exploring The Fetish World Is Helping Me Find My Voice http://bit.ly/LB338W

Used BDSM sex goods, anyone? | Montreal Mirror http://bit.ly/JQi6d3

A closer look at consensual blackmail http://bit.ly/KlrxAX

Are kinky people control freaks? http://bit.ly/LslEr8

From Beneath the Rose: Contemplating the Beauty of His Submission http://bit.ly/Lpzf0o

The Submissive Man Who Isn’t Allowed to Orgasm — Daily Intel http://bit.ly/JYtO5B

Trust is a Five Letter Word | Submissive Guide http://bit.ly/LpAI6J

EctoMorph – Celebrate the Jubilee in Rubber http://bit.ly/LpAZ9Y

Alicia’s Horny Blog: Buttplugs http://bit.ly/Mr6s9u

Mindchaotica: Sensual Kink: Spankings (Updated) http://bit.ly/JYsMXn

Diary of a Submissive Man at NY Magazine — The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/JYtLGR

When should a sex therapist recommend Fifty Shades of Grey to couples? « Better Sex Blog http://bit.ly/MPvKC2


Forget traditional lovemaking to sink your teeth into vampire sex! http://shar.es/sgzbT

How to tell a REAL Mistress from a “miss-take” ~ Domme v. dumme http://bit.ly/DD-Dvd

Kinky Ever After: BDSM and Exhibitionism are not the same thing… http://bit.ly/MEx1HX

Fifty shades of greed – Books, Media – Macleans.ca http://bit.ly/MExMk5

‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ is Building Bridges Between the Imagination and the Bedroom – Forbes http://onforb.es/MjTIEF


Instruction and Definition

Dumb Domme: BDSM Lexicon Entry #20: Subspace http://bit.ly/LpCkO2

Word Of The Day: Impact Play | The CSPH http://bit.ly/LwBTQq

What is Protocol? | Submissive Guide http://bit.ly/LwC6D7

How to clean collars with a fur lining?: My collar has a rubber strap on top of a green leat… http://bit.ly/M3UJPu


[info_box]I am actively accepting news, press releases, personality profiles, and review items for both FETISHWEEK and The Fetish Show.  I am particularly interested in topics directly related to BDSM/kink/fetish, but also alternative art/photography/modeling, sex, burlesque, fashion, relationships, events and more, if it is closely related to kink.  I can get your story out to a much wider audience in a way that is positive and respectful.  Contact me now:   dirk@dirkhooper.com [/info_box]



Scat Queen Delilah – In Hollywood ! | Mistress & FemDom News, Pictures & Chat lines http://bit.ly/Lhft3q

Torture Garden at The Coronet in London – Los Angeles Dominatrix | Ms. Justine Cross http://bit.ly/Lhnllv

Fetish Liza – New Pictures On Site ! | Chatlines,Mistress & FemDom News, Pictures. http://bit.ly/LAZpfh

Domina Parties | Multi Mistress, multi slave Parties http://bit.ly/LB14kY

Secretly Reading “50 Shades of Grey”? Meet Washington’s Real-Life Top Dominatrix, Domina Vontana http://bit.ly/KGMYSZ

Coming Soon…. the HUMILIZONE – http://bit.ly/Lsjxng

Mistress B Visits Goddess Kyaa! – Domme http://bit.ly/LsmfsU

Some information about Dominatrix Dinah – Mistress from Amsterdam http://bit.ly/LsmLY1

Lydia Supremacy – In Los Angeles ! | Mistress & FemDom News, Pictures. http://bit.ly/LsnkB5

Mistress Ultra Violet – In Alabama ! | Chatlines,Mistress & FemDom News, Pictures. http://bit.ly/MhXLRN

Miss Kitty Bliss ~ BirchPlace http://bit.ly/MhY3bs Sissy Specialist and Domina Extraordinaire

Mistress Rebekka Raynor – London Fetish Fair http://bit.ly/MjTzB9

Miss Mara Mayhem – Atlanta Visit ! | Chatlines,Mistress & FemDom News, Pictures. http://bit.ly/LpztVk

Miss Jasmine – London Domination ! | Chatlines,Mistress & FemDom News, Pictures. http://bit.ly/LpAOLA

Madame Sarka – New Web Pictures ! | Chatlines,Mistress & FemDom News, Pictures. http://bit.ly/LpCxAE

Photo and Profile: Nottingham Mistress Hollie http://bit.ly/LpCPaH

Photo and Profile: Farnborough Mistress Rose http://bit.ly/LpD59z

News, Views & Mistress Reviews » London Mistress Elektra http://bit.ly/LpEaym

Savannah Sly – Washington Sessions ! | Chatlines,Mistress & FemDom News, Pictures. http://bit.ly/JYsEqA

Miss Diva Devor – Los Angeles Trip ! | Chatlines,Mistress & FemDom News, Pictures. http://bit.ly/MPwt63

Lady Raquel – FemDom Clips On Blog ! | Chatlines,Mistress & FemDom News, Pictures. http://bit.ly/MPwR4K


Kinky Blogs

Fuck Yeah, Orgasms | Diary of a Kinky Librarian http://bit.ly/Kbnvlh

Bright Bottom: Spanked to Orgasm http://bit.ly/Mr6YEL


Entertainment and Erotica

Photos: ‘Free Society’ brings performance art and excess (fetish dramas, fire-spinning) to Artisan http://bit.ly/LhlXzn

Angelina Jolie could direct movie adaptation of BDSM novel Fifty Shades Of Grey | Herald Sun http://bit.ly/MjU3XV

Burlesque Goddess Dita Von Teese: “I Really Don’t Get Hit On” – Dallas Arts – The Mixmaster http://bit.ly/MhYrGV


Art, Photography, Modeling and Fashion

Love & Death Project – BIZARRE-BUZZ : KINKY – FETISH & BDSM http://bit.ly/K2J5XG

Asia Argento – Fashion Fetish – SHOWstudio – The Home of Fashion Film http://bit.ly/Lslbp7

Happiness in Magazines: Curvy Fashion Title SLiNK now in Print – http://bit.ly/Mi01IJ


Juxtapoz Magazine – Massive Black: Future Fantasy | Erotica http://bit.ly/LpBuAE

Christain Loubotin Exhibit at Design Museum: Fetish by David Lynch – Los Angeles Dominatrix | Ms. Justine Cross http://bit.ly/LBaIaM

Juxtapoz Magazine – Robert Alvarez Pinups | Tattoo http://bit.ly/LpDZDg

Juxtapoz Magazine – Ellen von Unwerth: Disturbia | Erotica http://bit.ly/Mr4Pc1

Alternative Model Elegy Ellem from her blog post below.

Events and Classes

Mistress Workshops – London http://bit.ly/Lhn2r5

The Alternative and Burlesque Fair http://bit.ly/MhXrlV

Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Conference September 21 & 22, 2012 | Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance http://bit.ly/MjTT2N

Just a Foxxy Life: Boudoir Bizarre XIX, The Final Edition !!! http://bit.ly/OmoEnE

PisSoir – London’s Most Extreme Piss Fetish Party by Bizarre Events http://bit.ly/MPuEpV

GMHS Workshop: Introduction to Leather- Learning and Understanding Leather, BDSM and Power Exchange Relationships http://bit.ly/MPvjHJ

Dommes Gone Wild – July 19th – Lady Bellatrix – Dominatrix London and UK-wide http://bit.ly/Kzgkn3

Imaginarium III – Cowboys vs Aliens, Sat 30th June | @scoopit http://bit.ly/N0ec6l



Photos and Review: Fetish Factory 17th Anniversary http://bit.ly/MhYOB7



Ask SehAnru | Protocol For Giving Your Dominant a Gift | Submissive Guide http://bit.ly/LpBX5Q

NEW! Ask Mistress Didi* ~ The Toe-In-Water Retreat Tactic http://bit.ly/M5b6eq


Alternative, Goth, Fetish and Bondage Models

Video: Stilettos pantyhose and fur from german fetish and glamour model Stella Van Gent http://bit.ly/MjRVPH

BlueBlood: Dahlia Dark, Merrydeath, Domiana, Vampirabat erotica http://bit.ly/MjUEsE

BurningAngel: Getting to Know Effie http://bit.ly/MjUP7j

New Photos: The world of ElegyEllem http://bit.ly/Lpzoke

Diva Flyer Model – http://bit.ly/MEyqhv


[info_box]Dirk Hooper is a fine-art fetish photographer, host of The Fetish Show radio program, BDSM mentor, FETISHWEEK editor and personal brand czar.[/info_box]

Dirk Hooper is an award-winning international fetish photographer, award-winning professional writer, journalist for the fetish community and expert on personal branding. Email Dirk Hooper Dirk Hooper on Twitter


  • BDSM Blogs (@BDSMblogs)
    June 29, 2012

    Dirk Hooper: FETISHWEEK – What is the Domme Deficit?: What is the Domme Deficit? Have you hea… http://t.co/VqeCGK3S #fetish #news #pix

  • Laura
    June 18, 2013

    There is not a deficit of Dommes but of submissive men. I have been a Domme, not as a professional, for about 20 years. In this time I have found it very rare to meet any man who is actually a male submissive. Almost every man claiming to be submissive is actually looking for a woman to serve his needs, his fantasies. My place in this is to be a figurehead, little more than a blow up doll. This is not of interest to me. I want to enjoy the man I am with. I do not want to have a role in his fantasy, dress to suit him and hope I brought a good book for the really boring parts where I have nothing to do. I talk to other women Dominants and many feel just the same. Those who are willing to perform the role of Dominant his way are usually looking at the whole thing as a business. Women can make a nice $ as a professional. But, that’s not what I want. This is personal for me, I don’t want to make it a job.

  • Goddess Eden
    June 24, 2013

    Oh there’s absolutely a domme defecit though I’m not certain that it’s only because of the professional aspect of domination. I think that many dominant women (myself included) have run the course of seeking out submissive partners and playmates and have to struggle with the uphill battles of identity issues,insecurities, shame and unrealistic expectations on both ends. So we gracefully bow out of the game at least for a while.


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