FETISHWEEK: Should Kinky People Date Vanilla People?

[info_box]FETISHWEEK covers the best BDSM News and most interesting fetish links of the last week.  I am actively accepting news, press releases, personality profiles, and review items for both FETISHWEEK and The Fetish Show.  I am particularly interested in topics related to BDSM/kink/fetish, but also alternative art/photography/modeling, sex, burlesque, fashion, relationships, events and more.  I can get your story out to a much wider audience in a way that is positive and respectful.  Contact me now:   dirk@dirkhooper.com [/info_box]

Should Kinky People Date Vanilla People?

The Journey of Will blog recently explored the question of whether kinky people should date vanilla people.  I have a few thoughts on this subject and hope you do too.

My experience has been definitive since I joined the BDSM community.  Every time, without fail, that I have tried to date someone who was not kinky it has always been a waste of our time.  No matter how interesting, accomplished or beautiful the woman was we just didn’t connect on what either of us needed to have a complete relationship.  Additionally, I always felt like I was back in high school, forced to deal with all the questions and insecurities I had when I was a teenager.

When I talk to someone who is merely interested in BDSM, I always warn them that once you take the step into kink, it is very difficult to go back to being vanilla. A BDSM relationship has a level of honesty and intensity that is often lacking in a vanilla relationship.  Roles and communication are a lot easier in BDSM.  Obviously the sex is wilder, more diverse and emotionally charged.

It’s certainly possible to have all of those things with a vanilla relationship, but the climb is much steeper.  Being vanilla has its advantages though.  The dating pool is exceptionally larger when you’re vanilla.  You don’t have to hide things from friends and relatives.  You definitely spend less on toys and outfits to have sex!  It’s much easier to get good advice from both friends and experts if you’re vanilla.  You don’t have to struggle with what polite society thinks of your relationship either.

I’ve known a lot of people who get frustrated with their kinky partners and vow to leave BDSM forever, and invariably, they return to the community after a short break.  I’m sure that there are plenty of people who have left kink and never returned, but I suspect that it would take an exceptional vanilla partner to keep you from missing BDSM.  If you have a clinical fetish (like a foot fetish, for example) then totally leaving the kink community is nearly impossible.  No matter how fantastic your partner is, you will always wish that you could have your fetish fulfilled.

There is so much frustration in a relationship where one partner is kinky and the other is vanilla.  The kinky partner craves certain things and the vanilla partner gets needled endlessly to provide those things.  Or worse, there is no communication at all.  The kinky partner is silently frustrated and the vanilla partner has no reason why.

My solution has been to only date kinky women, or at least women who open-minded enough to try new things.  That severely limits my dating pool and that’s a source of frustration on its own.

Do you think it’s possible to be kinky and have a fulfilling vanilla partner?  If you’re kinky, could you walk away from BDSM for the right person?  Do you have a story to share? I’d like to hear about your experiences.

Please contact me directly at dirk@dirkhooper.com or leave me a comment below.

Dream hard,
Dirk Hooper
Sunday, August 11, 2013

 

Dirk Hooper Photography and The Fetish Show Updates

 

Recommended Podcasts for Kink and Power Exchange Relationships

Big thanks to Submissive Guide for listing The Fetish Show as one of their recommended podcasts.  Princess Zoe and I are very proud to be included on their list!

Read more: http://www.submissiveguide.com/2013/08/recommended-podcasts-for-kink-and-power-exchange-relationships/

 

Goddess Sieva in “Shine” by Fetish Photographer Dirk Hooper

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Goddess Sieva

Here’s another set of photos with Goddess Sieva from our recent shoot.  This set features a latex outfit from Westward Bound that she bought specifically for the shoot!

Read more: http://www.dirkhooper.com/goddess-sieva-shine-fetish-photographer-dirk-hooper/

 

Review: Sex and Metal Taiwaz T-Bar Flogger

Sex and Metal sent me a new flogger to review.  I put it to the test and give you the scoop.  Plus you can see some hot photos of fetish model Amy Lynn, who posed with the flogger!

Read more: http://www.dirkhooper.com/review-sex-metal-taiwaz-t-bar-flogger/

 

Celebrate Adrianne Curry’s Birthday With Her 20 Sexiest Costumes Of All Time

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The Many Sexy Looks of Adrianne Curry

I’ve probably mentioned Adrianne Curry many times before in FETISHWEEK.  I can’t help it.  She is the nexus between leggy supermodels and kinky cosplayer, so please excuse me.

Fortunately VH1 had the good sense to commemorate her birthday with a slideshow of some of her best cosplay outfits over the years.  If you like the teaser photos above, then more awaits at the link below!

Read more: http://www.vh1.com/celebrity/2013-08-06/adrianne-curry-20-sexiest-costumes/

 

And The Kinkiest City In The United States Is…

The dating site SeekingArrangement.com has conducted a survey that concludes that the kinkiest city in the United States is… Phoenix, followed closely by San Francisco and Detroit.

I can’t imagine this was a survey conducted with scientific precision, but it’s an interesting result.  Is it possible that Phoenix Arizona is more “kinky” than San Francisco, or New York, or Oklahoma City?  (Okay, it’s almost definitely more kinky than OKC… believe me!)

Which city do you think is the kinkiest in the United States?  Let your freak flag fly and defend your city in the comments below.

Read more: http://www.thegloss.com/2013/08/09/sex-and-dating/and-the-kinkiest-bdsm-city-in-the-united-states-is/#ixzz2bh4uB4JP

 

Japanese shoe company asks: Which woman has the prettiest feet?

Locondo, a Japanese shoe retailer is running a contest to find out who has the prettiest feet.  If you’re into shoes or have a foot fetish, you should know that there are 120 models who are in the running to be Japan’s Next Top Foot Model, and that voting will run until August 26th.

Read more: http://www.startup-dating.com/2013/08/japanese-shoes-woman-pretty-feet-contest

 

Now Available at Sears?…

The Leather Adjustable Harness... Now Available at Sears!  (Hunk sold seperately)

The Leather Adjustable Harness… Now Available at Sears! (Hunk sold seperately)

Kinky.com recently published a photo of a cheesy piece of BDSM-wear that was available through Sears.com.  While that piece is not still available, I did find a couple more items that go far beyond anything I ever used to see in the Sears catalog.

Yes, it inspires a few giggles from those of us who used to get the Sears catalog and never imagined anything even remotely like this being available.  However, it suggests another couple of things too.

The fact that Sears offers these BDSM items says simply that they make money for the company and that there is no longer a moral backlash for carrying stuff like this.  That’s a positive thing for the BDSM community.

Read more: http://www.sears.com/elegant-moments-elegant-moment-l9989-leather-adjustable-harness/p-00000000000000007535000000000EML9989-BLKP?prdNo=1&blockNo=1&blockType=G1

 

Rutger’s Study: Orgasms Are Good for Your Brain

Women, what’s better for your brain, a crossword puzzle or an orgasm?  According to a study at Rutgers, an orgasm is what the doctor ordered.  Incidentally, for those interested in BDSM, they also discovered that orgasms inhibit pain… but we already knew that, didn’t we?

That also kills the “I have a headache” excuse, too.

Read more: http://newswire.xbiz.com/view.php?id=167153

Guantanamo prisoners reportedly clamoring for ’50 Shades of Grey’

What easily qualifies as my favorite story of the week is Fox News reporting that the terrorists at Guantanamo Bay detention camp request 50 Shades of Grey more often than the Koran!

Yes, this is exceptionally hypocritical of devout Muslims.  Yes, there is a serious question of whether we should be supplying prisoners with erotica.  Yes, 50 Shades of Grey is a terrible example of BDSM.  But how can you not laugh when you imagine hardcore terrorists reading romance novels?

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/world/2013/07/31/guantanamo-prisoners-reportedly-clamoring-for-50-shades-grey/#ixzz2bi1IU94w

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Dirk Hooper is an award-winning international fetish photographer, award-winning professional writer, journalist for the fetish community and expert on personal branding. Email Dirk Hooper Dirk Hooper on Twitter

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