FETISHWEEK – BDSM, Abuse and the Policies of Fetlife

Feature Story

Salon.com just ran a story titled “A BDSM Blacklist on Fetlife” where they questioned Fetlife.com founder John Baku about the policy to remove public accusations of criminal misconduct.  Baku defends the policy by saying that he wants to encourage users to go to the proper authorities, that they don’t want Fetlife to become a place where people are attacked and that there may be some legal concerns for their business.

In a community where humiliation and pain are normal, the potential for abuse by the inexperienced or the malicious is exceptionally high.  It’s valid to question how the community (including Fetlife) deals with healthy consensual play versus abuse.  Many people who are abused have nowhere to turn.  The community is ill-equipped to deal with the issue and due to the stigma surrounding BDSM play, and the secrecy of their engagement, many people are extremely reluctant to go to the authorities.

I think Fetlife is a great resource for the BDSM community, and there are definitely groups set up on Fetlife to deal with abuse and safety in a general sense.  I think it’s unfair to expect Fetlife to be responsible for policing the community though.  For the reasons that Baku mentions, and the fact that rumors and lies are rampant in the BDSM community, I believe that removing accusations is the right call.

However, that still leaves the issue of abuse, and the abusers themselves unaddressed.  Obviously we need a better solution.  I think finding and educating professionals in health care, psychiatry and law enforcement is a good start.  We need to build a bridge to legitimate authorities so that there is some place for people to go.  We need to also do a better job of providing some information to the public and bringing some light into those dark dungeons.

We have a long way to go, but there have been a lot of recent events that suggest we are moving rapidly in the right direction.

What do you think?  How should the BDSM community deal with bad seeds and how do we do more to help the abused?  Leave me a comment below or contact me at: dirk@dirkhooper.com

Dream hard,

– Dirk Hooper
June 17th, 2012

 

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12 comments on “FETISHWEEK – BDSM, Abuse and the Policies of Fetlife”

  2. This article is of interest to me because I had to deal with malicious attacks on my character in an attempt to defame my name and community business practices. It was an all out war! Fetlife was very proactive to validate the entries and offer me the protection of stopping the unwarranted cyber bullying by issuing a cease and dismiss. Under a PO (Protected Order) those were warned to not contact me, or continue the slander, also blocked from me with the PO order. Otherwise they would be banned from Fetlife activities if it continued. While this offered the temporary solutions and showed that Fetlife will actively attempt to preserve people right to live in an abuse-free environment, those who have done this are otherwise clueless on the legal ramifications of such abasement. What this type of abuse does is HURT the individual business, etc. It has taken a long while to recover from this superficial hate crime! I say, there should be more education AND legal education. For me, legal action is still something being considered. Thank you Dirk for a great article!!!

    MistressCnLA

    Reply

    1. Mistress C, it’s so important that you share your experience on Fetlife. It’s one thing for me to mention how lies and rumors in the BDSM community can harm the innocent, but your personal story puts a respected face with the issue.

      Thanks for the kind words and for the comment!

      Reply
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